Shaken Not Stirred

This just in from an alert reader...(I'm not receiving any compensation for this...Dammit!)

After a hard day blending puppies and ruling over the lesser people a conservative just wants to kick back and relax with a refreshing adult beverage.

But where are the beverages that celebrate the unique culture that is conservtism?

Search no more my friends, Brian Gillette in a rare moment of sobriety has penned 'The Dittohead's Guide To Adult Beverages'.

Here's a little peek inside this gem...

Dead White Guy Ginger Ale

Glass: A Clay Bowl Stolen from Native Americans (by dead white conquistadors)

Ingredients:

1 Part Vodka (a colorless ingredient symbolizing white European oppression)
3 Parts Ginger Ale (containing blood-thirsty, intolerant, white supremacist sugar)
A Splash of White Wine (reminiscent of Napoleonic French imperialism)
A Splash of Lemon-Lime Juice (made from fruit hand-picked by indentured servants)
A Dash of Sugar (due to safety concerns, no brown sugar allowed)

Instructions: While attending a college seminar on multiculturalism, with an emphasis on Native American, Afro-centric lesbian poetry, combine ingredients in a clay bowl stolen from Native Americans. Consume on Columbus Day while attacking white males who have the audacity to continue to breathe.

Origin: This adult beverage is named in honor of Christopher Columbus - a capitalist, European bigot responsible for the death and murder of eighty trillion pacifist, nature-loving Native Americans (and a man whose lone accomplishment was the "discovery" of someone else's backyard).

Special Warning: Under no circumstances should you add brown sugar to this adult
beverage, as it is sure to be ravaged and destroyed by the racist, imperialist,
homophobic white sugar already present in the ginger ale.

And voila! there you have it. What more could you ask for?

This may actually inspire me to set up our currently languishing bar, nah, I'm far too lazy.

h/t to the infamous J. Grillo, causer of trouble, teller of tales

Booze
Brian Gillette
Dittoheads
The silly