Hey ho-the UN's got to go!

From the best of Jake files.

I was just reading this excellent post @ The Deconstructor. Outstanding analysis! Oh, that I were that smart, alas, I'm pretty much just a smart-ass. So here's my take on the UN

Hey ho-the UN's got to go!

Frankly I’m disgusted with the American reaction to the august body that is the UN. Are we really such a bunch of quitters that when things get the teensiest bit difficult we chuck the whole deal? Well hang onto your hats, because I’m going to give you a whirlwind tour that I think just might reinvigorate your appreciation for this amazing worldwide organization.

First, the ability of the UN to quickly mobilize ”Emergency Pedophile Squads” and deploy them to Sierra Leone, Bosnia and the Congo should be a shining example to us -- a vibrant reminder of what can happen when good old fashioned stick to-it-ive-ness is wedded to the modern UN. Don’t worry though, it’s not just pedophilia, no sir. We can add rape to that list too. Refreshing isn’t it?

Second -- and this is exciting! -- Oil for Food. If this isn’t a fine example of making things happen in a tough place, I don’t know what is. No longer satisfied with their outrageous salaries and perks, these intrepid individualists took a bold step: Stealing. Yes, I know, I’m proud too. I think these wizards are showing us in the dowdy old west a thing or two about the free market. One for you, Mr. UN!

But wait, there’s more! Preceding every attempt by the US to make the world a better place, the UN has come out with extremely helpful advice, suggesting that Iraq could spiral into a humanitarian disaster, or that 100,000 Afghan children might die after our invasion. Hey! The fact that these Karnak-worthy predictions didn’t come true doesn’t mean they don’t care, far from it.

Related to Oil for Food is the subject of our plucky European “allies.” In the run up to the Iraq war they made it clear that they would offer no support. Of course, Britain flew in the face of this perfectly reasonable response. Damn those Brits for their cursed loyalty. Anyway, you might be tempted to impute some sort of negative characterization to our “allies” after finding out they were in the employ of Saddam Hussein (the best man who ever lived, all hail him). Well, you’d be wrong my friends. No, our “allies” were only trying to save us from ourselves, from our foolish insistence on saving our own lives. What were we thinking?

I hope we can finally lay to rest these pesky rumors of UN inefficiency and widespread corruption, because you see Kofi Annon has assured us they don’t exist. I, for one, hope we will boost our budget for this wonderful humanitarian group.

After all, there are lots of little girls in the world the UN hasn’t helped yet.

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