Freedom Folks: Creative Writing 101

Source: NYT

Class? Class! SHUT UP! (I giggle every time!)

In today's class we will build on our earlier example of the use of "action verbs" to liven up what should rightly be dull police blotter type stories. We will also take note of "poorly founded assertions" and how they can best be used to tug at the heartstrings of unsuspecting readers.

Ready? Let's go...

A screaming baby girl has been forcibly weaned from breast milk and taken, dehydrated, to an emergency room, so that the nation's borders will be secure. Her mother and more than 300 other workers in a leather-goods factory in New Bedford, Mass., have been terrorized - subdued by guns and dogs, their children stranded at school - so that the country will notice that the Bush administration is serious about enforcing immigration laws. Meanwhile, tens of thousands of poor Americans, lacking the right citizenship papers, have been denied a doctor's care so that not a penny of Medicaid will go to a sick illegal immigrant.

SCREAMING! FORCIBLY! TERRORIZED! SUBDUED! STRANDED!

I-I-I'm sorry class, it's just that I'm weeping so piteously I can barely see the blackboard. Ahem, let's carry on, shall we?

You have to admit that the use of over the top action verbs has taken what should be a fairly mundane story and raised to the heights of propa...compelling journalism, no?

Now, though I am not a professional drunk, whoops! I meant a hard hitting editorial writer, I think I can show you how this story would play in a sane world, you know, the one where the New York Times isn't rooting for America's destruction, yes I have a hard time imagining that as well...

In other police blotter news ICE agents arrested dozens of criminals at the Michael Bianco plant. Due to the sheer number of criminals to be arrested the police were forced to use somewhat harsher tactics. Again due to the sheer volume of lawbreakers there were some snafus with their children with one child becoming dehydrated and requiring medical care and several others stranded at their schools. Police and city officials deny allegations that American citizens have been denied benefits due to crackdowns on illegal immigrants and demand proof of these assertions (as do I! -- ed.)