ACLU: Protecting (Some) Free Speech

The opinions in this article do not necessarily represent the views of blog management. All statement in italics, especially those regarding (tasty) undocumented aliens are satire unless you know a really good recipe!

In June of this year the ACLU took swift action to protect us from a dangerous individual. Luckily they were able to contain him before he could cause too much damage. Along with this dangerous individual several other people had to be silenced.

Who was this dangerous individual? What heinous crimes has he been convicted of? Has the ACLU ever acted to protect America?

As stated earlier last June the national ACLU shut down the Las Cruces, New Mexico chapter of the ACLU after learning that Mr. Clifford Alford became a...

Wait for it...

Minuteman!

Yes, that's correct, he joined the ranks of those horrible racists and began forthwith to hunt poor and trap poor migrants on our shared superhighway of a border. Mr. Alford is on record as saying that poor migrants certainly are tasty, especially if you slow cook them with a little sage and red wine, just one will feed a medium sized family for two weeks or so. Janice Shriekbottom, head of the local vegetarian society and charter member of the ACLU could only make small mewling noises in her chest as her large limpid eyes gazed with a soulful expression at Mr. Alford's oversized BBQ pit where a hapless migrant hung suspended, a fragrant cloud of sage and red wine scenting the crisp desert air.

And then again maybe not.

No, the ACLU in an inspired fit of patriotism shut down the entire local chapter of the ACLU because its head was organizing a local border patrol. To put it another way, a gentleman who lives ON THE BORDER and may be intimately familiar with the problems therein opted to express his constituitional rights by protesting what he sees as a dangerous and out of control situation on our Southern border.

In stark contrast we have oversized weenies in Washington. Weenies who love undocumented migrants and their secret ability to get a heavenly foam going for our beleaugered champions morning cup of get go before they tackle another day of kicking Boy Scouts in the teeth and keeping America safe for criminals and (tasty)undocumented aliens.

One wonders if Mr. Alford had been a pedophile what the ACLU's response would have been. Outrage? Horror?

A promotion?

Janice Shriekbottom had her arm around the balding sweaty man, the marble steps of the courthouse gleamed triumphantly behind them. A glossy magazine clutched in her thin, veiny hand. She held up the magazine to hushed acclaim from the assembled reporters and assorted media personnel. It's cover a triumph of sharply rendered colors and disproportionately sized persons engaged in naked, sweaty activities. "This decision today is a victory for the American people. Mr. Alford represents the best of us," She cooed, a small "meat is murder" sticker marring the pristine perfection of her Hermes briefcase. A gift from a father that never really loved her.

Let's check in on what the ACLU has to say on the subject of the Minutemen.

"We will not tolerate racism and vigilantism in the leadership structure of our organization,'' Mitchell told the Albuquerque Journal. "They are repugnant to the principles of civil liberties and the mission of the ACLU.''

And just what is that mission Mr. Mitchell? And may I just say that this cappucino breathed weasel talking about the principles of civil liberty makes my blood run cold.

Mitchell said the ACLU was not trying to muzzle Alford. It is just a matter of not wanting him representing the ACLU in a leadership position.

Well, if a fine upstanding douche-bag like Mr. Mitchell here says it's true, it must be true, right?

I mean, it's not as if he represents an organization that is inimical to American life and values. An organization that appears on its face to wish for the dissolution of this great country, right?

I mean, that's why lawyers are universally respected, right?

Let's hear from this crazy nut, Mr. Alford --

Alford has said he's not a hateful vigilante and that he would like to see immigration policy reformed. He has said that if the federal government allowed more immigrant workers to enter the country legally, many problems on the border would be solved. He reportedly scouted the New Mexico-Mexico border two weeks ago for sites to station his 42 volunteers to detect illegal immigrants sneaking into the country. His group plans to offer food, water and medical aid while reporting the illegal immigrants to the U.S. Border Patrol.

So, let me see...they plan to offer food, water and medical aid. They plan to merely observe and report the illegal entry of (tasty) undocumented aliens. Yep, dangerous, they'd better be shut down before someone, somewhere screws up and we have border enforcement on our hands.

As the spit slowly rotates with a little metallic squeak ole' Cliff Alford dips his BBQ mop into his secret sauce and brushes it over the crisp carcass of another (tasty) undocumented alien. Squinting over the evening glare toward the purple sagebrush he mused aloud.
"Yep, this used to be a good place afore all the lawyer types got involved." He plunges the mop into the sauce again and slowly rubs it over the (tasty) undocumented alien.

H/T2 Jay @ Stop The ACLU

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