The Screw Loose Files

Hello, and welcome to the inaugural edition of "The Screw Loose Files."

These posts will serve as reminders of the type of people and shrubberies that people our current government.

Tonight's loose screw is Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska who attempted to elucidate this most salient point.

"There is no need for earmark reform." this was immediately followed by a frantic sweaty game of touch the intern and a rousing chorus of "I'm a red-assed monkey, spank me, spank me hard!" in which Ted kennedy sang a heartbreakingly beautiful tenor part.

You may recall the illustrious Senator from these sober remarks on the floor of the senate...

Stevens threatened to quit, to become a "wounded bull on the floor of this Senate," and he vowed that if his colleagues passed the bill, "I will be taken out of here on a stretcher."

"I will put the Senate on notice -- and I don't kid people -- if the Senate decides to discriminate against our state, to take money only from our state, I'll resign from this body," he said. "This is not the Senate I came to. This is not the Senate I've devoted 37 years to, if one senator can decide he'll take all the money from one state to solve a problem of another."

Unfortunately the senators' luxurious ass chose that moment to spasm before he could share more of his wisdom with the American people.

I feel honored to have a person so clearly unbalanced, and who poses a danger to himself and others writing the laws we all must abide by.

I would also like to request being spanked like a red-assed monkey.

Thank you and goodnight.

H/T Ace O'der Spadeness

Ted Stevens
Alaskan Pork
Loose Screws