Freedom Folks: State Of The Union Redux

Katie's Dad at Unabashedly Unhyphenated takes it upon himself to give our president a little helping hand with the SOTU...

Keeping America competitive requires reasonable wages. Here we have a serious problem: Too many American corporations are addicted to cheap labor , which is often imported from unstable parts of the world.

The best way to break this addiction is through technology. But since the 1960's we've been remiss in not promoting the development of new farm technologies that would eliminate the need for hordes of illegal aliens and create in their place thousands of more highly skilled "technical farm worker jobs." We have spent nearly 10 billion dollars to develop cleaner, cheaper, more reliable alternative energy sources — we should do the same with our food production capacity. So tonight, I announce the Advanced Productivity Initiative at the Department of Labor to push for breakthroughs in two vital areas. To change how we harvest and process our farm products, we will give tax breaks for agribusinesses that pioneer new technolgies that reduce the need for stoop labor to provide cheaper, healthier products at our grocery stores. We must also change how we look at manual labor. For starters, we will increase our research in better technologies for housing construction automation.

But, quite frankly, you aging baby boomers need to get off your duffs and start mowing your own damn lawns! Hell, the Brits are calling US fat! While you're at it, tell your kids that it takes a parent to raise their kids instead of that under-the-table nanny they snuck in from Belize! And you, Mr. Restauranteur, those illegals you hire now hold the jobs that we used to call "entry level." It is time for them to be returned to the high schooler and the college student that they once were reserved for. Our goal is to make this new kind of retro-American ethic practical and fully functional within six years. By applying the talent and technology of America, this country can dramatically improve our environment ... move beyond an imported-slave underground economy ... and make big business' dependence on imported third world labor a thing of the past.